On building the perfect purse

I am in a spring purse quandary. I have an adequate purse, but it's just... okay. I want something particular and, you know, springy. I have such for the darker months, but not for the lighter, frothier, more fun times. However, I'm having a very hard, read: not possible, time doing it.

Dear Purse Manufacturers:

Here is what I want:

One strap for over the shoulder wear. None of this two strap, one is always falling down my arm nonsense. ONE strap.

An outside pocket that I can plunge my hand in to for my lipstick and a pen. Two outside pockets would be better.

Adequate space inside for my iPad mini. When I purchased my original iPad, I had to up the size of my purse to accommodate it, but now I can downsize a bit for the mini. I still have a wallet and keys and a little bag with the essentials in it that I might need some time, although I rarely do.

Zip close. My purses tend to tip over and a zipper is nice to secure it all.

Did I mention ONE STRAP?

Why is this so hard?